I woke up very early today,

something I thought I would dread yesterday.

Cause i knew I would be thinking of you,

of yesterday.

I woke up and looked into my phone,

disappointed as usual,

I tried sleeping again ;

of course I couldn't.

I listened to the second hands of the clock tick,

as the time went by,

the ticking was so loud, 

so loud that it hurt.

so I tried to distract myself,

but ended up writing what I feel.

My hands are shaking,

my heart is aching,

and yet,

my mind isn't thinking about these,

it's thinking about you.

Angrily, sadly.

these feelings are confusing,

are not nice,

it causes pain.

I am awake since last night to today for 3 hours,

it looks short,

but 3 hours without you is long.

Longer than I imagined.

All there were was pain,

sorrows, regrets, blames.

nothing nice, 

I wonder how long I can take this.

I wonder why you don't care.

not a call,

not a text,

not an apology.

3 hours,

to tell you the truth,

only 5 minutes were anger,

the rest were pure disappointment and pain.

sure, I admit I was angry for what you did,

but not for long.

I can never be angry for long.

and when you didn't care,

all I felt was sadness.

I waited 2 hours.

nothing.

I couldn't sleep,

so I made myself tired,

& forced myself to.

I can never sleep if the last thing I hear is not your voice.

and then I woke up so early,

hating and screwing at myself for not sleeping longer.

I knew I couldn't take another round of pain,

but still no text,

no nothing.

I try to cry,

it makes me feel better.

but this time round,

no tears.

even god didn't want me to be better.

I wonder if you feel the pain too,

my heart feels crushed.

you heart seems to be fine though,

I could feel it inside me.

& then I thought of the happy memories,

I smiled for a flicker of second,

but more pain came,

as I came back to present.

I'm possessive, selfish,

I'm like a baby that always need pampering.

I like it when I hang up

& you call back,

I smile at the phone,

when I don't pick up

& you text me.

But today,

it seems,

you're tired of pampering,

you're tired of giving way,

you're thinking of giving up.

& finally you texted,

I was thinking if you felt my heart rate go up.

you totally lost your confidence,

do I pull it up for you?

I don't know.

"anything" 

doesn't sound like you care,

it sent a blade right through my heart.

I took arrows and knives,

now blades and swords.

I'll break apart soon.

when you didn't call 

I felt you were sad,

maybe even mad.

and when you didn't reply,

I thought you didn't care.

I never liked it wen you don't care.

the story keeps repeating,

& I'm tired.

worn out.

why are we always like that.

why you couldn't believe in yourself more.

you texted if I love you.

I thought to myself what an obvious answer.

but you didn't believe yourself.

you didn't have confidence.

sorry that I made you cry,

but I felt as much pain,

maybe more.

i was an idiot.

so stupid.

I turned my back on you,

and when I peeked back,

you left.

It wasn't what I wanted.

all I wanted was for you to step in front of me.

everything would be fine.

maybe I should leave.

you'll be happy again,

without me in your life,

you can go back to before.

so simple,

maybe more happy.

of course I can't bear to,

but define love.

being happy when the one you love is happy too.

the dark clouds gather,

and the thunder storms.

it's always like that when I'm sad.

god doesn't show hope,

god doesn't save me.

& I quietly wonder,

where's my superman?

of course dearest,

I still love you.

hello pepo 

got back report book.

my mom's ranting now.

like, 

wad the fuck.

say i daydream.

like, funny loh.

Now I don't daydream can.

-.-

nevermind.

had meet the parents session.

monitors were down for duty.

-.-

reached home at 9++,

comin 10.

left at 8++,

comin 9.

Mrstan still hasn't eaten her dinner when we left.

DD:

poor baby.

hah,

now I know why I'm so stupid,

cause i have a retarded mother.

x)

mother did super many retarded stuffs today.

(;

haix.

today at lesson,

ferlyn was super funny.

Valeriie - using phone.

Ferlyn : eh eh eh, wad you doing ah?

Valeriie (still not looking up from phone) : smsing my boyfriend.

the whole conversation sounded very normal uhh,

so Ferlyn bursting out laughing at my straightforwardness

-^^-  *prouds*

super tired today,

fell asleep at the end of the talk in the LT

tmr lessons as usual.

=.=

unfair cannnnnn

at least let us slack.

-.-

oh,

there's maths tmr.

& i wanted to do homework today de luh.

last minute called up

=.=

grahh.

not in a very nice mood..

& i dunno wad the hell is wrong with my blogskin.

-.-

change soon

bear with it people.

I don't like it when you don't care.

shasha

hello pepo (:

my blogskin looks super weird right now 

so i'm deciding to change it

(:

be patient and wait, LOL.

I'll be back to post later on :D

 

[/edited] 

hah,

well?

Idk lah,

the music thingo still does wanna be in place

-.-

need help now

-.-

GRAHH

shall fix it tmr

:D

i have the subject combination talk tmr

-.-

sian very late uhh

6+

heh,

can go see MAO-ey they all training.

HISTORY trip was fun,

but some instructor made it very bad

DD:

then hypered up when jiaolian said can play volleyball

:DDDDDD

then became very disappointed at the end of the day,

for some weird reasons uhh..

DD:

so thats it bah :D

i hate it when you show favouritism.

I hate it when you don't care.

cause of two persons,

they spoilt my mood.

):

shasha

hello pepo ((:

yesterday volleyball was :D :D :D uhh.

I love my serving cannnnnnnnnnnnn  :DDDD

not very 100% lah, but many was super pretty de luhh

:DDDD

haha,

but had to see them jump spike,

jiaolian nvr do top spin uhh.

DD:

dang man.

LOL

& they did blocking

)))):

super jealous lah!!

HAHA,

wanted to pei jieying one luh,

cause she got no partner

x)

today debate.

LOL

at first very boring uhh,

then after that started debating then hyper

LOL.

topics were:

erm...

-schools should have should be 4 days per week (observer)

-harry potter should be banned (we opposed)

- a home thinks that school children should get $10 per day for pocket money (propose)

-girls are better than boys (propose)

:DD

i think i spelt "propose wrongly"

-.-

LOL

I forgot lah.

I'm gonna fail eng man.

grahh.

tried.

wanna sleep 

=.=

shasha wants her nap

^^

I was quarreling with the neighbour's dog.

-.-

he just loves the camera.

the dog i mean :D

haha classic shasha's signature smile :)

SHASHA ((:

hello pepo (:

the picture above is so cute can...
haha
they bully the panda.
LOL.
i thought how big was the panda can
-.-

sports carnival was fun
(:
i got to be referee (:
not easy,
tio complain.

haha,
cause my partner referee is sotong
:D

floorball was our station,
& the suay part is that it's located at the parade square.
HAHA

the sun was super hot can
xP

heh,
then had volleyball
(:

average lah,
super sad when i cannot jump.
and my leg is super reducing my speed
DD:
my hands are losing strength uhh,
so my serving practically sucks
-.-

DDDDD:
therapy yesterday didn't seem to do anything uhh.
-.-
i did the stupid balancing thingo again.
very boring de can.

tio pangseh by everyone yesterday,
so i went shopping alone.

it's strange;
the idea of it sucks,
and at first you feel sad,
then when you get the hang of it,
it's better ,
you feel that its okay;
even if the whole world leaves you alone,
it's not so bad.

alone sounded so nice to me yesterday.
probably today too.
):

I don't accept a sorry if you think you're correct,
I don't accept a sorry if you still would repeat,
I don't accept a sorry if you dunno what's wrong,
I don't accept a sorry if it's not from the heart.

seriously, I'd rather you don't tell me anything at all,
than to tell me a lie.
just tell me that you don't want to tell me,
I won't ask again,
or forever.

I'm jealous and this idiot just doesn't know it.
hah,
it's okay,
cause it's too numb that I don't feel the pain.

I can feel that you sometimes don't care,
so I try not to care too;
but i can't.

a weakling like me can't,
a weakling like me cries upteen times a day because of you.
a weakling like me gets angry cause she feels super jealous.

i can be very possesive at times,
ugh,
i don't wanna admit it,
but maybe it's because I love you too much.

yet i dunno whats going on,
inside that mind of yours.
I trust you have a reason,
but can't you see,
it makes my heart broken.

I'm so pissed off,
that you don't seem to want to care.
& i wonder lots of crap,
that makes me upset.

oh mama panda...

give me a hug (;

Valeriie

strange, it looks as empty as my heart.

hello pepo (:

i have to go for therapy on saturday ):
thats like so boring luh
-.-

today (:
had art.
-.-
no, free period.
x))

actually wanted to play a movie or something.
then mdm lai was like playing
"xiao he shang" the little monk
then we were like dun wan to watch.
LOL.
then she fed up and close the show
and we were chatting through art lesson luh.
-.-
lol, i was sleeping ;DD

then had maths.
OMGosh.
we started lesson luh.
-.-

7.1
grahh.
hai okay lah.
(:

oh thank god for that.

then we went out to eat.
grahh.
damn full can.

went to com lab for sports carnival meeting.
HAHA
they were playing facebook luh.
HAHA.
then ferlyn played mafia wars.
-.-
Mafia wars sucks.
restaurant city sucks also.

ohohoh, MIO tv sucks too.
-.-


LOL!
i love siying can..
(:
she is killing my boredom right now x)

she is so damn funny luh xDDD

Ŝīỳїήġ ♀♥ says:
- nth i just now play ping pong at home
- cool
Behh.Lerr.Wee ; the SHASHA says:
- LOL
- with yourself?
Ŝīỳїήġ ♀♥ says:
- ya
- and wall \
- nice game
Behh.Lerr.Wee ; the SHASHA says:
- LOL!
- oh my
- you're exactly like my partner
Ŝīỳїήġ ♀♥ says:
- ?
Behh.Lerr.Wee ; the SHASHA says:
- ohmy ohmy ohmy
- D:
Ŝīỳїήġ ♀♥ says:
- y
- she do wat
Behh.Lerr.Wee ; the SHASHA says:
- she does these kinda random unlogical stuffs too.

and i miss my partner D:
randomly.
they are the cutest senior/junior partner i've ever seen cannnnnn.

hah,
so had the damn meeting.
i'm a helper tmr!
(:

okay,
my job is just to usher the people to their places only luh
-.-
HAHA

tmr have to reach at 6.30AM and wear PE t shirt
-.-
ohmygodness.

gahh.
i pangsehh-ed cynthia and ferlyn.
they still at school when i left.
-.-
and i tell you it's retribution luh.
the person who i was going to meet pangsehh-ed me too.
:x
pure retribution x)

so i went home myself uhh.
ugh, leg was hurting and I was limping.
)):

reached home and posted until now ;D

how i wish my leg could return to normal,
just like before.

in the hospital ; in the middle of the night.
haha.
I was here before, 14 years AGO.
the god damn mask was irritating uh.

after therapy the next day.
i'm still learning how to do this uh.
complicated ><

went shopping,
mom was talking on the phone,
so we sat.
and I started taking out my phone.
at first to sms, then...

trust me, I really liked my hair that day :D


JOAN sports!!

hagen dazz ice cream.
okay, i think i spelt it wrongly.
:x but i can't remember how to spell.
._.

I cry because you are not happy (;

SHASHA

property of WINGYAN<3

lol. it was on my hand/shirt for the whole day.

HAHA

hello pepo(:

I am crazy.

I wrote a letter to my ankle.

-.-

dearest ankle,

I hope you can get well soon!

I need you for jumping

& running

& playing volleyball

STOP HURTING and recover!

I LOVE YOU!

love,

shasha(:

yes, I'm mad.

lazy to blog about today.

Volleyball wasn't much of a volleyball,

couldn't run or jump,

sucks.

still have to come train C girls now

._.

at the hospital waiting for results

mom said this face was so LOL.

-.-

sometimes,

you just have to smile,

even if you're upset,

to feel better again.

this damn ankle injury had better get better soon.

I'm not rich,

and I don't have the time to wait for you.

behh.lerr.wee(:

hello pepo

I'm back from the hospital :X

well the doctor said,

wanted to go for MRI scan to see what's really inside.

cause my pain is from the internal.

but the MRI scan is costly.

so the doc say do therapy and see if can recover.

he say if nothing much inside usually can recover by itself

but in the mean time cannot let ankle do vigorous training.

so must stop volleyball.

doctor gave 1 month mc for exercise.

DDDDDDD:

I'm so waiting for JiaoLian's reaction man.

);

doctor says if go for MRI scan maybe the result is that i knocked of a small chip from somewhere of the ankle, means...

operation

but mom says not that serious bah.

i'm oh so looking forward to the reaction of my coach man.

i'll be in school tmr ((:

BYEE pepo

behhlerrwee(:

unstable ligament

I'm sorry for not being in school today.
sorry to mother, poor you have to mark the diary and attendance.

sorry to mingyuan, you're probably eating alone today.
at least there's ferlyn.

Sorry to partner,
I probably can't come to training for a long long while,
you should go change a partner,
since i'm indirectly already out of the B girls.

and everyone that had inconvienience or trouble because of me today.
):

god damn in.
sorry for the emo start.

I went to volleyball despite the pain yesterday.
and damn, jiaolian had to do sprinting.
-.-
of all the damn days, coach...

well, felt serious pain and had to stop.
so you people should know how much it hurts.
I don't like stopping training halfway.
or stopping anything halfway, in fact,
as long as it's bearable pain.

so went to the hospital
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
when i told mom it was something inside.

well,
my ligament unstable.
the joint between the ankle & my leg,
er, from the x ray,
is a little open.
haha.
i guess you dun understand..

couldn't find a suitable picture.
haha.

well,
the joint is a little open,
so it doesn't hold the leg to the foot properly.
so the pain.
(:

well,
I went to mount alvernia ytd night,
thats wad the doctor said after in and out,
and finally on a wheelchair,
then still going in and out...

the wheelchair was fun people.
but it sucks if you cannot stand and walk around after that.
-.-

so i'm going to see the doc again later.
a diff one,
a sports doctor
-.-

I'll get back into sports as soon as possible.
missing one month of training is bad,
the june holidays are comin up.
holly shit.
-.-
I'm missing alot aren't I?

):
I was just motivated to start the B girls training,
and when we started,
I injured myself.
and now, I don't know when I can play again.
this sucks.
it sucks to the core.

wrong timing.
god damn it.

I'm so sorry partner ):
you're going to change partners.
real soon.
I'll probably be gone for a while,
or watching the sec1s.
._.

haix.
you don't have to worry about me, pepo.
I'm fine.
the damn leg is fine,
just that,
volleyball,
I haven't been playing it since exams,
then friday training for awhile as warm up,
then monday,
I was sitting out.

& I caused mommy alot of trouble
and alot of money.
fail man.

hah,
that's all I have to say people,
BYEE


you look up at the sky,
hoping to be comforted by the nice blue feeling,
and all you see are dark clouds in range,
and you think,
"it's going to get worse, isn't it?"

volleyball is my addiction,
my affection for,
my second life.

you'd probably think i'm crying,
but i'm not.
seesh,
I'm such an unlucky freak.

behh;lerr,wee.

1.Besides your lips, where is your favourite to get kissed?

I don’t like being kissed?

Lol. Cheeks bah.

2.How do you feel when you woke up this morning?

Ugh. I wanna sleep more.

3.Who was the last person you took picture with?

Hmms. Cn’t rmb…

4.Would you consider to be spoiled?

Hmms. Not really.

5.Would you ever donate blood?

Yeah, but must be superrr careful first

6.Do you have a good friend of a opposite sex?

YES (:

7.Do you want someone dead?

Nope. I’m so kind. ;D

8.What does your last text message says?

Your partner. Tell her I betrayed her.

[jieying]

9.What are you thinking of right now?

Green apples.

10.Do you wish someone was with you now?

Nope. I’m very anti social; likes being alone at home ;D

11.When did you go to sleep last night?

Eh, 2:30++

12.Where did you buy your t.shirt that you are wearing now?

HONGKONG(:

13.Is someone on your mind right now?

Yup ((:

14.Who was the last person who texted you?

Jieying loh.

15.People tagged to do this quiz?

1. Ferlyn

2. Jieying

3. Xinny

4. Siying

5. Jean

6. Shermaine

7.Janine

8. Qiwen

9. Kailin

10. Wingyan

 

16.Who is number 2(Jieying) having a relationship with?

ER, PEIRU (:

17.Is 3 (Xinny) a female/male?

FEMALE. But I sometimes want her to be a male so I can marry her. X)

18.If 7(Janine) and 10(Wingyan) gets together, will it be a good thing?

Not really lah. They don’t know each other

19.What is number 1 (Ferlyn) study about?

LOL. Probably sexual education?

20.Is number 4 (Siying) single?

As single as my partner (;

21.Say something bout number 5 (Jean).

SHE’s my SUPEr chio junior ;D

22.What do you think of number 3 (Xinny) and 6 (Shermaine) together?

Ugh. Yuck. Both are with ME :D

23.Describe number 9(Kailin).

She looks super innocent when I see her everyday x))

24.What will you do if number 6(shermaine) and 7(janine) fight?

Er, I think it’s common for sisters to fight bah.

I’d love to see cat fight though xDD kidding. ._.

25.Do you like number 8?

DUHHH (: ; my baobao leh.

i dunno wad the hell is wrong with blogger again. =.=

behh.lerr.wee<33