Hello pepo
I've finally decided to start my blog again, since I hhave a lot of times on my hands now (:
I'm really sorry to start everything off like that, but i'm really sad now ):
Haix. Actually I don't understand a thing, I realise..
"you'll never know if the next one is better if you don't let go of the current one"
During this whole month, you've changed. We never had any personal time alone anymore.
And you could suddenly be with me, and just walk away with ur friends.
I know that you wanna be with your friends sometimes, and I understand that you call me to join you guys too. But sometimes I just feel very awkward and all, and thus I just like let you go with your friends.
But recently I think that there are times I really really just want you for the day, and I tend to cry when you leave cause I feel that nowadays you give all ur time to your friends. And I am really heartbroken that you could walk away against my crying face.
How do you expect me to believe it when you tell me you love me.
Today, all you did was have small talks with him, and then you just told me to help him keep the ezlink card. Cause you two are going over to find them. I was really shock because your intention and thinking was that you didn't want me along or I wont be going. You assumed I guess. And well, I could really say you're quite a blockhead yourslef, cause when girls are angry and asks you to go away, they really just want you to stay beside them to make them feel wanted and important.
And I realised you guys were quite close and I didn.t even knew when did it start. You know, maybe if everyday you would just put in the effort to say things like : baobei, today I wanna play pool with you and then later go out with xxx they all .
Then when you're back I just need you to tell me: baobei, today we blahblah and I realise those ppl are really funny/ nice ppl and I like spending time with them because blahblah.
You know, thats just all it takes. A small effort. And not just go somewhere and dump me there as and when you like it. And I just wanna feel important. Like when you promise me u wanna go somewhere with just me and we would do this and that and I really hope you mean it and not going around asking ppl to go. Because I also wanna have time with you so that I can feel that theres always a part of you thats mine.
You know, all I need is for you to tell me things.. I dun need you to report every single thing. I accept you every single time you change and all and accept your differnet behaviours. If you would seriously think in the past you would always tell me I love you infront if anybody. And hold my hand anywhere we go. But today, nothing. Not even a small hug.. Things have changed so much and is it so we have lost it. The love.
I'm not trying to say my boyfriends a jerk people, I love him dearly. I just dont understand many things you do that contradict those words you tell me every single night: I love you.
If you love someone, you would always wanna be with him
You would always care for him
You would always think of him. How could you have forgot to reply my msges or didnt hear the vibration. If you really love me all so much, wont you check ur phone whenever youre free?
Youre with ur friends, slacking for gods sake.
I dont know what else ure doing though, cause u never shared anything with me.
I can tell they really mean alot to you because once I said i'm not coming you immediately asked them over.
If you love someone how could you ever walk away from him, leaving him alone crying.
How can you complain that why i'm so close with so and so when every single time you are the one that hurt me, leave me alone, they are the ones that watch me cry and walk around with me even though they are in a rush somewhere.
When have I made u cry and dump u aside? Maybe because i'm upset too but I come back to you and I have never left you crying before.
You make me feel like a dog, trash, worthless, pathetic.
Thats how your LOVE makes me feel. Ask yourself, how much effort have you really put into me? What else have you done besides talking and talking.
If you really love me, those 3 words need not be spoken because your action clearly shows them.
How come I can only hear it and not see anything? All I see is myself crying alone so hard and youre walking away with a friend.
I wish tht I had the greatest strength to let you go because maybe we love each other, but we love ourselves even more.
As for myself, I never thought i'd had soooo much patience and care in me for someone. I swear I seriously put alot effort into you, forgiving you tons of times for walking away when I was crying when all you said was one word : sorry.
And i'll alwats believe you when you said u love me and when you say u wont hurt me the next time.
Every single time I pray that this time we'll have a happy ending..
And yesterday night I wished upon a star then we would be so happy forever.
Maybe I AM very selfish. I am the only person that can have you and I dont like to share.
"lets start afresh and become like before" how I wish this could happen but I know it wont be possible.
Since you've changed and I really feel sad to be treated like that, I feel like its time to maybe letgo and enjoy the fal this time.
Maybe I have misunderstood, but this is what happened to me. I dun wanna like make everyone think he's the bad guy. I just want people to give me answers as to why am I being treated this way..
I know at this age, maybe he got bored, or maybe he just wants friends instead of a relationship but I hope that he would have the least bit of responsibility to end it properly. I'm not keeping my hopes high, i'm going to clear all the misunderstanding now,,
See you people.
